2018

“2019, huh.. let’s hope it’s better than last year.”-understatement of the year by the old bald guy.

It was a year that will live in the back of our minds forever. Some of the events are ones that I not only won’t forget but are haunting on a regular basis. Talk about an ER and a switch flips and it’s all I can think about. (Which, you wouldn’t think would happen often except my boyfriend works in one.) So yeah, 2018 was pretty bad. A new year means only a few more months until i can no longer say “Last year, on this day..” and that stings. It feels like we’re being pulled further and further apart. I’ve spent the past 8 months using the memories of her last year to remind myself what I needed to do to get through this one. 2019 will be the first full year that my mom does not get to grace us with her presence or voice of reason. We’ve survived 3/4 of a year without her and through the depression I’ve gone from one event to the next, just trying to keep busy. I’ve learned a lot too. Not that i regret quitting my job to take care of my mom but moving forward from that in the aftermath is really, unexplainably hard. I’ve never been asked “what do you do for a living” so often. I’ll get there eventually because the whole feeling like a bum thing sucks pretty bad too. I’ve learned that in times like these, you gain some unexpected friends but it doesn’t shield you from the pain of when you finally give up on the ones that really let you down. I’ve learned that handwritten notes and pictures (even if you think you look terrible) are the things worth saving and nobody can fill the void of a mother gone too soon but it sure is uplifting to know there are people who care enough to try. 2018 is a year i wish had never happened but strangely wish I could get back to.. or at least the first 4 months. It’s a year that shook our entire family to the core and yet, I’m not so sure 2019 is the light at the end of the tunnel. Fingers crossed we can only go up from here and If nothing else, at least 2018 gave me a Guardian Angel and two of the best furbabes I could have ever asked for. (and yes, that is drool on my shirt.🤷‍♀️)