61

Today we should be celebrating 61 years of the greatest person I’ve ever known. Every thing I am today is because of her but it is those last two years and ultimately her death that impacted every facet of my life. As a person i think the greatest thing I’ve learned is compassion and not judging people before I have the chance to know them. I think of how insecure my mom was going out in public with her wheelchair and ostemy drainage bag. She was always paranoid that kids would think she was some kind of monster. She absolutely loved kids. I think of how I probably looked like a hot mess on the many pharmacy runs or long chemo days. I think of how, since she died, i’ve done my best to mask my grief in the hopes that nobody would know something as simple walking through costco could bring me to tears. Some days it still does. . Before my mom was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer this account was strictly about the dogs. Out of desperation for hope and a way to process events and feelings, i shockingly found how therapeutic writing can be - my least favorite subject. Thankfully that discovery helped me to connect with so many of you who, not only share my love of newfs but also, relate to things I’ve gone through and have been kind enough to share with me. For that, I am so, so grateful. Without my mom there would be no crew. There would be no social media account and i would have known none of you. Some of you have been through it all with us and there truly is something special about that.  . Today, i woke up to being pounced on and then restrained in bed by Belle, “her” puppy. Surrounded by 14 furballs, i can’t help but think how much she would have loved what the crew has become. Their training, their photos, their cuddles, their babies.. they have surpassed her dreams and she would have loved it all. Aside from the obvious painful goodbyes, it hurts to not be able to share these puppies with the whole reason their legacy exists. Fortunately their snuggles and kisses are the world’s greatest comfort. Happy Birthday Mom 🖤